


"Annie Don't Cry"

by Lunarblue21



Category: Community (TV)
Genre: A JA fic from Jeff's pov, Angst, Canon compliant to the end of S5, F/M, Fluff, Milady Milord, and this was one of the first fic premises I had the idea for so, kinda flangsty, though a bit S6ish at the end, which I honestly don't see very often for JA fics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-10
Updated: 2015-03-10
Packaged: 2018-03-17 04:58:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3516185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lunarblue21/pseuds/Lunarblue21
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jeff reflects on why he can’t bear seeing Annie cry. Stream-of-consciousness-y. A Jeff pov ficlet exploring his relationship to Annie over the series as a whole, why he's so impacted by her tears, and why he does everything in his power to ensure that she doesn't cry. </p><p>A little S6ish at the end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	"Annie Don't Cry"

He hates her tears. Women’s tears (as Troy and Abed noted) are his kryptonite, but hers particularly. Annie’s tears are his kryptonite. No matter what or when or how, he will always cave. Such are the power of those big doe eyes.

Whenever he sees her eyes pooling with tears he wants to swoop her into his arms and comfort her, reassure her that everything will be all right, or yes, he’ll come to her party, or yes, he’ll leap to her defence when that cad Simmons attacks her. Her tears hold sway over him.

She doesn’t even _know_ the power she wields over him with a few drops of liquid sadness. (Actually, he’s sure she knows quite well, since she’s just as selfish as he is and has become exceptionally good at it over the years, starting with manipulation of his cold heart with her tears.)

He hates her tears. He hates them because they remind him that he’s capable of hurting those he cares about, and he _doesn’t_ want to hurt Annie. He hates them because even when they’re insincere or shaky, like when he castigates her in front of their Study Group that first year, there’s some truth behind _why_ she’s upset.

He hates it when she’s upset. When she’s upset, all he wants to do is find some way of making her happy again so that the dam of tears doesn’t threaten to break. He jumps to do things for her because he believes that she deserves happiness, and if he can be the one to give it to her, he’ll do it gladly.

But most of all, he hates her tears because the first time he sees her cry, _it’s because of him_.

(“I’m not crying because of _you_ ,” she explains, this time, her face defiant, and he’s glad, because he hates being the source of her pain and when he learns who did cause it, he confronts the man since _nobody_ is allowed to make Annie cry – not Jeff, and especially not this crotchety son of a bitch criminology professor, whom he already hates.

Her words fly into his face a few months later when he’s in a coma and her voice, fogged with tears, is the one thing that penetrates his limbo – and once again, he’s the cause. He doesn’t like being the cause of her tears at all, so he comes back – because of her voice.

Because of her tears – because she holds him without touch, and the realisation of a life without her forever anchors him back to reality.

And still, he doesn’t give her the courtesy of knowing this because he’s still Jeff Winger.  

When trying to bolster her argument and soften the blow of losing Greendale, he unintentionally makes her cry, and it makes him feel horrible, as usual.

Annie’s tears sear through his bones as he slouches back in his chair, struggling to hide how upset he is that she’s still crying.

And he’s the cause of it, _again_.

He always is, and always has been, and probably always will be. He comforts himself with the knowledge that if they lose Greendale, he’ll lose her. The realisation scares him to the quick of his bones.

He knows that this means he’ll never have to see her cry again – which gives him a measure of grudging relief – because it means he’ll never again have to see her make that adorable Disney face when she struggles not to cry.

A sudden wave of longing and loneliness shudders through him as he understands that yes, he’ll finally be able to stop hating himself for hating her tears, but that for some strange reason he’ll miss them as well – but Annie more so. The idea of losing Annie along with Greendale freaks him out and leaves him floundering, to the point of his fear overriding his common sense.)

And he’s made a vow, a private, hidden vow that he’ll spend the rest of his life – as her friend, though since he’s being honest, he’ll admit that he longs for more than that – ensuring that there’s no reason for her to cry.  

He also secretly hates the fact that that douche Vaughn actually once made her voice wobbly with joy and her eyes starry with happy tears.

He’s never been able to call forth such tears from Annie that he can actually recall, and it’s one of the grudges he still (yes, _still_ ) holds against that hippie.

He hates her tears, and he hates them because he wants to be that person in her life who isn’t the cause of them.

He hates her tears because they are reminders that he knows he is, or at least who he was: a selfish, manipulative person.

A person who pushes others away because emotions scare him and who only seeks to make decisions that look out only for himself and serve his own self-interest to the point that he almost callously uses others for his own benefit. He feels keenly that this makes him no better than a monster.

However, in the past few years and because of the tutelage of the study group – who took in a selfish loner and gave him a crash course in friendship and also a _family_ – he’s become a better man, though his self-doubt lingers; he’s someone who _now_ has friends and helps them and goes out of his way to _care_ for them.

 Then he recalls how often he’s made Annie – _his_ Annie – cry over those same few years, and the self-doubt returns. Maybe he hasn’t really changed.  Maybe the goodness Annie sees in him isn’t even _real_.

Maybe he’ll end up disappointing Annie and her faith in him and his goodness again.

He knows how often he’s disappointed her over the years.  

He _hates_ disappointing her just as much as he hates her tears because her tears make him feel guilty and upset and makes her want to just hold her close.

He hates her tears for a reason, and it all ties back to their first argument/conversation, when she was an eighteen year old girl and he made her cry in public.

He can still feel the guilt of that moment to this day, and the feeling of anger at himself that had resulted. Annie making him feel guilty! _No one_ makes him feel guilty! But she could… and does.

He thinks of that moment, remembering how _foreign_ it felt, being so upset because he’d made Annie upset.

Unlike Abed, he doesn’t believe that he needs any lessons in empathy (Abed once told him the story of Annie breaking him in the Dreamatorium) because he knows he has it, and it’s most often expressed itself because when Annie cries, he wants to cry with her or hold her until she feels better.

He hates her tears because they’ve often emerged because he’s almost overly harsh to her like when she sabotaged their Spanish exam in an attempt to keep the group together.

He hates her tears because he knows how his denials and dismissals have hurt her because of his refusal to give an honest answer to what’s been between them throughout when she’s sought to define their relationship.

And so, he’s willing to spend the rest of his life making up for that first incident – he just _can’t_ be the cause of any of Annie’s tears again.

 (Though he is, because he’s Jeff and he’s a selfish asshole, and every time he sees her Disney face quiver and those doe eyes flutter, he knows he’s screwed as the guilt hits him.)  

Because he was the first cause of them, and now she knows his weakness.

She knows that he crumbles because of them.

She knows that he’ll spring to her defence because of them.

She knows – at some subconscious level - that he can’t bear to see her cry because she’s ( _very_ ) important to him.

 

....

“What are these, then?” Jeff queries, seeing her eyes grow large and shiny. He’s just gotten up the courage to admit to her how he feels… and now she’s about to cry? Holy crap, did he do something wrong?

Annie shakes her head.

“Happy tears, Jeff,” she says. “They’re happy tears.”

Jeff let out his breath in a relieved exhale, cradling her close to him in an embrace.

“Well, those are the only tears I ever want to see from you now, Milady,” he jokes.

Annie’s light chuckle is the only answer he needs.

 

 **review?**  


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